I’m sure just yet if I find it amusing, insulting, annoying, or all three. After reading a post about canning tomatoes, someone posted this in a group I belong to on LinkedIn:

Urgent! Jerri, This is NOT a safe and approved method to can tomatoes. Research in food safety shows that it is vital to add bottled lemon juice to each jar before processing to ensure the correct level of acidity for safe water bath canning. Add 1 Tablespoon per pint – 2 Tablespoons per quart. The processing time is for under 1,000 feet elevation. For altitudes 1,000 to 3,000 feet add 5 minutes processing time, for 3,001 to 6,000 feet add 10 minutes, for 6,001 to 8,000 feet add 15 minutes and from 8,001 to 10,000 feet add 20 minutes.

These are instructions from an earlier time before we understood that tomatoes vary greatly in their acidity. Variety, soil fertility, weather conditions and ripeness all factor into PH levels in tomatoes.
Please use only the most recently approved methods. They can be found at The National Center for Home Food Preservation.
[http://www.uga.edu/nchfp/publications/publications_usda.html|leo://plh/http%3A*3*3www%2Euga%2Eedu*3nchfp*3publications*3publications_usda%2Ehtml/sYEi?_t=tracking_disc ]

Here’s the thing. The instructions are from an earlier time, and they work just fine. Not an approved method? Not approved by who?

Why is it urgent? Are rural folk dropping dead because they ate canned-tomatoes without lemon juice? Geez, maybe we should start digging graves before winter gets here, what with low-acid tomatoes and swine flu and all.

I don’t put lemon juice or anything else besides salt in my tomatoes. But, readers be advised that the government-approved way is to add lemon juice. There, I said it. But I don’t do it. If I drop dead tomorrow, you’ll know why.

You know things are bad when career government employees start bragging about frugality. In a report filed by the Associated Press, Cherish Francik, a long-term employee of the Social Security Administration talks about her new found frugality:

“Most of my life, I’ve been a brand-name shopper. It was a quick change for me, a real quick change,” said Francik, whose haul from the Williams auction included trail mix, honey-barbecue chicken nuggets and a spiral-cut ham. “I guess it’s sort of a thrill now to find something that tastes good and is the right price.”

It’s highly unlikely that this newly inspired frugality will reach into the higher echelons of Government any time soon, which means grocery auctions will become more popular. If you’ve never been to an auction before, check out this article on auctions in general.

As with any auction, visual inspection is imperative. The food at grocery auctions bears close scrutiny. That’s because most of it is damaged in some manner or has reached its expiration date. There are good deals to be had, for sure, but you could easily over pay for inedible food.

How to find a grocery auction:

If you live in a rural community, locate a grocery auction the old-fashioned way: call up you local auctioneer. If they don’t handle grocery auctions ask them to consider doing so. Ask if they know of another auctioneer in the area than holds food auctions.

Below are some resources for locating grocery auctions.

• Colonel Kirk’s Auction Gallery
• Michigan Auction Sales
• Wishing Rock Auctions
• Schleeter’s Auction Ltd.
• Schiestle’s Auction
• Highway 99 Auction Company
• Colonel Steve Sitar and Company
• GSG Auction Services
• Missouri Produce Auctions (University of Missouri Extension site)
• Captina Produce Auction
• Pirrung Auctioneers, Inc.
• Plowboy Produce Auctions

What can you expect to find at a food auction? Here are some things that are common at grocery and produce auctions:

• Name brand hot dogs and lunch meats
• Pre-packaged convenience food like granola bars and Lunchables
• Cases of produce, some with moderate damage
• Bulk paper products like toilet paper and baby wipes
• Cases of cereal, hot and cold
• Snacks
• Pet food
• Pizza

If you know of a grocery or food auction near you, please share it here. If you are an auction house that handles grocery auctions, please contact The Scarecrow Chronicles via the contact form.

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Witnesses claim that Wal-Mart security was encouraging the crowd of over 2,000 shoppers to surge forward as store employees prepared to open the doors. With news crews at the ready, waiting to get the quintessential “Black Friday” shot of throngs of dedicated consumers rushing in to start off the holiday season, the mob became uncontrollable. Onlookers and police describe the scene as hellish as the whipped-up crowd broke through the steel and glass, trampling a man to death and seriously injuring several others. The death toll in this year’s official holiday kick-off stands at 5 as of this morning.

Of course, everyone is outraged. The pundits are jawing away, decrying the ills of such behavior and laying blame on everything and everyone imaginable. But what good is pointing out the obvious? Yes, we have promoted the act of holiday shopping to the status of national duty. But even so, does that duty require a willingness to give life and limb for a discounted HDTV made in China? Count me out.

I’m often asked why I don’t run to the malls immediately after Thanksgiving to get in on the great deals. The answer is simple. They’re not great deals. Think about it. How much time does it take to plan where to shop, drive there, find a parking spot, and go from shop to shop? Since the closest mall to me is over an hour away, the answer is hours. My time is worth something.

Then, there’s the gas money, the money you spend on impulse (even though you made a list and promised yourself and your significant other you would stick to it) and of course, the purchase of a “value” meal for lunch. By the time you consider all the expenses associated with shopping and add them to the risk of losing your life so some greed-gripped shopper can get a bargain, the idea of mob shopping becomes downright repulsive.

Besides, giving mass-produced consumer goods isn’t my style. I like to give gifts that I had a hand in making. Making something specifically for another person let’s me spend time contemplating the ways in which they have enriched my life. This time spent thinking about the benefits of the relationship is a blessing for me. Sometimes I forget to take a moment and appreciate the people around me. Creating gifts gives me an opportunity to reconnect with them. And it’s a whole lot safer than shopping at Wal-Mart.
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You don’t have to be a master artisan to create gifts for those you care about. Here are ten gifts you can make yourself without going broke or getting killed:

1. Flavored Sugars. Add vanilla beans, whole coffee beans, whole cocoa beans, cinnamon sticks, orange zest or orange zest to a pound of sugar. Place in a decorative glass jar (leave beans or zest in).
2. Photo Albums. You can personalize a store-bought one or make your own. Fill it with pictures of you and the person you are giving it to. Spend some time looking through old photos to find just the right ones.
3. Flavored Coffees. Make flavored coffee the same way you would make flavored sugar. Buy a couple of spoons at a discount store. Dip the tips of these in melted chocolate. When it’s dry wrap the dipped part of the spoon in plastic and tie with a bow. Do the same with the coffee. Place the chocolate-covered spoon, and coffee in a mug.
4. A casserole. Bake someone’s favorite and give it to them in a nice dish.
5. Scented Bath Salts. Combine epsom salt with dried herbs or a drop or two of scented oil. Tuck packets of scented salts into a small basket with a soft wash and a loofa.
6. Garden Seeds. If you have a gardener or two on your list, give them seeds you saved from your garden. No saved seed? No problem. Buy a couple of packets of bulk seed, and break them down into smaller packets. You’ll have great gifts for the gardners in your life and some for yourself, too.
7. Plant Starts. Do you have a house plant a friend or relative admires every time she comes over? Give her a start off of it in a small terra-cotta pot.
8. Homemade Wine. If you make it, share it. This is my favorite gift.
9. Address Book. One year I found a beautiful address book in a discount bin. My family is highly mobile; addresses and phone numbers change constantly. I updated all the names and numbers in the new address book and gave it to my oldest daughter. She loved it.
10. Give a subscription to Countryside. You’ll be giving your friend the gift of self-sufficiency, helping them to save money and value their abilities.

No matter what holiday you’re celebrating this gift-giving season, gifts that come from the heart inevitably bring warmer returns than mass-produced trinkets, no matter how expensive. Gifts that are fought for with sharp elbows and sharp words don’t say “I appreciate you” to the recipient. Instead, they convey an impartialness, a glaring indistinction between the recipient and every other nameless person receiving the same gift. So, what does it say about a relationship, when the gift was obtained at the expense of a life?

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